Shameless Satire! ...
... of Golden Dawn Witch Hunt Trolls
by Guest Blogger
by VH Frater A.A.
Welcome all Flame Fans to the Alpha Omega Arena which tonight hosts the first of the Troll vs. Troll World Series, sponsored by Red Rose Enterprises Inc. Your commentators for this bout are Caput Mortuum and Frater AA who has flown directly from White City, London to Nevada especially for this historic first fight.
Our referee tonight is Daemon est Deus Inversus.
Our referee tonight is Daemon est Deus Inversus.
Over to you!
CM: The atmosphere here is electric as the crowds gather for this eagerly awaited grudge match between Pitbull McTroll fighting out of the SRIA stable, and two times World Champion contender McMirrorTroll who currently claims no affiliation but trains with major McGD licensees.
AA: There are more than 28 000 people here tonight at this great new venue, which will be host to many more events in coming years. All the usual faces are gathered at the ringside with the promoters of the various stables, and we are all excited at the prospect of finally seeing these two monsters square off in the ring – it has been a long wait!
CM: Yes – after the Mirror got cracked in recent dust ups at minor blog-venues we didn’t know how long that would take to fix, but news on the street is that the glue is holding and we are in for a great fight here tonight!
AA: The crowd are going wild now that the music has started – the Trolls are about to emerge! Referee for the night is ROAO’s own Daemon est Deus Inversus!
In the Red Corner – from SRIA Nebraska, unbeaten in 15 of the the last 17 bouts, and weighing in at 120kg, the vicious, the unstoppable, the one and only PITBULL!!!
In the Purple Corner, fighting as an independent out of California, the only Troll to come so close to the World Title on TWO occasions, weighing in at 120lbs, winner of 20 of the last 23 fights, the fast and the furious, the master of slipperiness, the one and only Max McMIRROR!!!
Flame fans are in for a treat tonight. Mc.Mirror has been bragging that this will be over in just a few rounds because Pitbull is too slow and predictable to avoid that trademark jab, but there is no doubting the power behind Pitbull’s offensives!
CM: This one is hard to predict. I think that whoever gets the best start may soon build a strong points advantage, but both Trolls have delivered unexpected knockout blows before now, so we will be on the edge of our seats with this one. Seconds out! Round ONE!!!
AA: There was a camera flash there from the audience and MirrorTroll reflected it at Pitbull just after the opening bell… the action is fast and furious as predicted… Pitbull is wrong footed!
Mirror: “You aren’t strong, you just got ugly when you were young – you make more noise than a jet engine breaking, but you got no substance under all that blubber. You think you have something to say? Let’s hear it. I’ll serve it right back to you so you can wear it!”
Pitbull: “Everyone knows that you’re just a nasty little liar. You twist words until even YOU don’t know what real means. You’re so contemptible in your arrogance that I’m wearing these gloves just so I don’t have to dirty my hands on you. Nobody wants to listen to you, so why not just shut up and take your ignorance home with you. We’re bored with you!”
CM: Pitbull just about pulled that one back. It looked really dicey there for a moment but composure is returning. The Pitbull does not expect to be speaking second – EVER! So this is already a turn up for the books!
Mirror: “We are listening to the most arrogant, the most boring, the most contemptible of all Trolls, who doesn’t even have a home since nobody will have it inside! Why should we listen to this ignorance? WE have spoken, and WE are the only ones anyone’s really gonna listen to – this is just a dull-witted mountain of idiot flesh muttering, so where’s the interest in that?”
AA: Ouch! That was a bit of classic McMirror jabbing there – taking the words and shooting them right back with a new twist… so far I have the Mirror well ahead on points…
Pitbull: You can do better than that! You have no argument of your own so you just twist mine. You are just giving me complements, that’s all! Any right thinking person can see that. If you had any brains you’d use them, and realize that you’re outclassed here. I’m being kind. Go away and I may spare you some dignity. Keep being in my face and I’ll show you what everyone but you knows, and you’ll be in pieces. My honesty is more than you can handle. You’re a weak little excuse for a Troll. Run home to mommy!”
CM: That riposte may have evened the score though. The Mirror needs not to let the Pitbull gather a head of steam or it will be hard to get that jab working again – there won’t be any way to get a word in once the Pitbull’s trademark Drone starts…
DING! DING! (Seconds to their Corners...)
AA: Their trainers are telling them to keep their guards up – and Mc.Mirror looks a bit tired. Pitbull isn’t even sitting. Just standing and glowering. Mc.Mirror’s corner are saying that the only way is to come out jabbing, and keep it coming.
CM: Mc.Mirror can’t fight this on the Pitbull’s turf – there is no way to match that aggression – it needs speed, finesse, and plenty of points scored through that jab – let’s see if the Mirror can keep it up. Looking a bit foggy just now…
Seconds out! Round TWO!
Pitbull: Your futile posturing is meaningless, anyone can clearly see that you are just a squawking midget clamouring for attention! You are a shabby and ridiculous little creature without even a shred of credibility! Your nasty, sordid little jabs are a disgrace... do keep boring me with them, but you won't achieve a thing. It’s common knowledge that you lack even basic decency, so keep it coming... you'll only prove what people of substance all accept, that you have nothing to back up your noise!
AA: McMirror’s gone silent. Looking stunned. What is McMirror playing at – just standing and staring at the Drone like that.
CM: This is a dangerous move from the Mirror. The jab is quiet and the guard is down – this could be carnage!
Pitbull: My skill is in sharp contrast to your bone headed diatribes, you poor, misguided little excuse for a Troll!
You think you have what it takes? Utter ROT...
AA: In a truly amazing turn of events, McMirror turned sideways as the Pitbull lunged! There was no stopping that trademark momentum – Pitbull has gone straight through the ropes! Pitbull is out of the ring and being counted! Pitbull is on the floor outside the ring, and FURIOUS! The crowd is on its feet.
CM: The abuse is still flying but there’s no microphone down there in the crowd – do you think Pitbull can get back into the ring inside the count?
… EIGHT! … NINE!! … TEN!!!
AA: McMirror was already dancing a jig to the crowd, but Pitbull slid under the ropes on the Ten Count – is the referee going to allow that?
AA: In 3 minutes 25 seconds of Round Two, on a technical knockout, the winner of the first ever Troll vs. Troll Grudge Match, unbeaten in 21 of the last 24 fights, the still unbroken, McMIRROR, claims the Troll Weight Title!
Max McMirror Claims Troll Weight Title!
CM: Before that rematch there may be a few challengers to deal with though – there’s been a lot of noise coming out of the SlimeTroll camp lately, and we may be seeing that encounter happen before this grudge really gets settled.
AA: That’s it for Flame Fans for tonight. Tune in next time to Red Rose Enterprises and the Troll vs. Troll World Series of Flame.